H.R. 4111 - 2006 Online Gambling Prohibition and Enforcement Act

As many of you know, the US Congress is working to make online gambling illegal for American citizens to gamble and play poker online. The Poker Players Alliance is staging a rally at the WSOP today to show solidarity that online poker is not a game of chance but a game of skill. The argument used in California to get poker rooms approved in the 60s and 70s.

Relying heavily upon Guinnessandpoker.com's "Sample letter", I sent the following letter to Senators Feinstein and Boxer of California:

Open Letter to:

Senators Diane Feinstein and Senator Barbara Boxer
United States Senate
Washington, DC

Re: Online Gambling

Dear Senators:

Recently the House of Representatives passed H.R. 4111 (PCS) "Internet Gambling Prohibition and Enforcement Act" and has sent the bill to the Senate to be considered, voted upon and made "the law of the land".

I confess that I do not understand exactly what this bill would mean if it becomes "the law of the land"; but I do believe that the reason Congress is considering passage of this bill because it isn't getting a piece of the action.

That's right, in my humble opinion, the only real reason Congress cares about online gambling is because online gambling is not generating any tax revenue.

I wish just once Congress would be honest with the people and admit "We want money; we want more money; that's all we really care about." Instead, under the guise of " Congress knows what is best for the people, because the people are too darn stupid to know what is best for themselves", our elected Representatives pretend they want to protect us from all things "bad".

If indeed Congress cares about protecting us from all things "bad" then, I suggest the following:

(All statistics cited below are for the United States only.)

1. The Cheeseburger Preparation, Selling and Consumption Prohibition and Enforcement Act of 2007 - Americans are getting fatter. According to The American Heart Association 65,000,000 have high blood pressure; 13,000,000 have coronary heart disease; 5,000,000 died from heart failure between 1999-2002 (last statistics available); 5,000,000 had strokes. The AHA concludes cardio vascular disease was the underlying cause of 37.3% of all deaths in 2003; and a contributing cause in 58% of all deaths in 2003. And what causes CVD? High Cholesterol. And what causes high cholesterol? Cheeseburgers.

2. The Tobacco Growing, Manufacturing, Selling and Consumption Prohibition and Enforcement Act of 2007 - According to the CDC more than 400,000 people die every year as a result of smoking. And, by passing this act, you won't need to consider the Second Hand Smoke Prohibition and Enforcement Act of 2007. Two birds with one stone.

I realize you're worried about the loss of tax revenue you get from tobacco products but if you make H.R. 4111 The Internet Gambling Regulation and Taxation Act, you'll more than cover that deficit.

3. The Sara Lee Purchase and Consumption Prohibition and Enforcement Act of 2007 (aka The Sugar Prohibition Act of 2007) - Americans are getting fatter. According to the American Diabetes Association, diabetes contributed to 224,092 deaths in 2002 and the economic cost of diabetes was more than $130 Billion that one year. And what causes diabetes? Sugar. And who manufactures the tastiest sugar? Sara Lee. Of course, Sara Lee will scream foul so you might as well prohibit sugar in all forms; raw, refined, etc. But you know what is best so I, for one, trust you to work it out to be fair to all people who manufacture and/or consume Demon Sugar.

4. The Alcohol Manufacturing, Selling and Consumption Prohibition and Enforcement Act of 2007 - I know, Congress tried it before and it didn't work. Now is the time to get tough; after all, more than 75,000 people in the United States died last year as a result of alcohol consumption.

Also, by passing this act, it would make all those pesky DUI laws obsolete. If they can't drink; they can't drive drunk.

On the negative side, it will eliminate designated drivers and loss of that job market. But, you can pass The Re-Training of Designated Drivers' Act of 2007 enabling them to pursue careers as bath tub inspectors (we wouldn't want any bath tub gin creeping back into society.)

But heck, that's what you're there for - to pass Acts and make our lives better. But I digress...

5. The Automobile Elimination Act of 2007. This one is a biggie. While it would limit our going places whenever we feel like it; it would eliminate our dependence on foreign oil and we could thumb our noses at all those countries that sell it to us. And by using bikes and feet, you would be forcing us to get healthier and we all know Congress knows what's best for us... Much pollution would go away. The benefits from this Act are enormous - you really have to consider this one. By the way, more than 40,000 people died in automobile accidents last year.

Wow, the lives saved yearly by passing these laws are starting to add up and a life saved is a life that can vote!!

6. The ACLU Elimination Act of 2007. Why not? In my constitutionally protected opinion, the ACLU is just a bunch of annoying, pinko Commies. Of course, the ACLU would be forced to protect my right to voice this opinion - ironic, isn't it?

7. The Sex Outside of Marriage Prohibition and Enforcement Act of 2007 - Recently it has been proven that promiscuous sex causes HPV (human papilloma virus) which causes cervical cancer. Last year alone, thousands of women either died or suffered from cervical cancer. If you prohibit Americans from having "bad" sex, then cervical cancer will go away along with all those other nasty STDs, including AIDS. And, as many in Congress personally know, marital infidelity leads to marital discord which leads to divorce. BAM!! No more divorce.

8. The Illegal Drug Enforcement Act of 2007 (Please note I omitted "Prohibition") - Because Congress is out there fighting the "War on Drugs", complete with a Drug Czar, this Act only needs to address the problem of enforcement. The cascading effect of enforcing the prohibition of illegal drug sales and usage is beyond the comprehension of my humble mind; but I know you can do it.

Let's see; what needs to be done? Stop the importation of illegal drugs might be a place to start. You might consider bombing Columbia off the face of the earth.

And after that, round up all the gangs and give them Hawaii. We won't need it once the Sara Lee/Sugar Prohibition Act is passed.

Carry-on.

Sincerely,